2016: What Doesn’t Kill You

I feel like 2016 sucked for everybody. My 2016 really sucked. And it didn’t just suck because celebrities died and Donald Trump was elected President. It sucked for so many personal reasons.

I’ll start with the dumb stuff. That being; sports. Sports are dumb. And sports really sucked for me in 2016. The Carolina Panthers lost the Super Bowl. The Oklahoma City Thunder blew a 3-1 in the Western Conference Finals and then the face of the franchise left for the team they lost to. The Colorado Avalanche blew their playoff spot and then their coach quit on them. The Cincinnati Reds just sucked.

Sports are something that I can’t control and that I shouldn’t take as serious as I do. But I love sports, and a lot of bad shit happened to my favorite sports teams this year. I can live with bad seasons. But to be so close to two championships and fail both times is a tough pill to swallow as a fan. I didn’t handle the Panthers losing the Super Bowl well. I had been drinking and I was around people who don’t take sports the same way I do. That’s a bad combination.

I wish I could ease back on my love for sports and my teams, but that’s not happening. Maybe it’ll happen when I get a little bit older. Until then, I wish people would respect how serious I take sports and that, if you don’t know anything about me or my teams, you’d just shut up and let me be depressed on my own. If you do know me and my teams, feel free to be depressed with me.

I wish my sports teams losing was the worst thing that happened to me all year, but that was probably the least impactful.

I lost my job in August. I wrote about it plenty then, and I really don’t want to rehash a bunch of shit because I hated that place when I worked there and will probably always hate that place and certain people.

I’m still not even mad that I got fired, I’m mad at the way it happened and the fact that my mom got fired as well. People aren’t going to understand the kind of place we worked at. And I’m not going to spend paragraphs on end explaining it. If you know me or my mom, you’ve probably heard our stories throughout the years. It’s a fucked up environment with an egotistical asshole and a self-indulgent dipshit in charge.

Even though I didn’t like the job, it was a job, and losing your job sucks. I felt lost during that time frame. The place was a “safe” place for me. It was an easy fallback and easy money. And we all need money. Without it, I had to finally challenge myself to do more. Get out of my comfort zone a bit. Because of that, and where I am today, I’m thankful that I lost my job. And if any of my former co-workers are reading this, let me just say that you are all better than that place. I’m sorry that you’re under-appreciated and I’m sorry they fired the one person who did appreciate you.

Losing a job the way I did would be enough for anyone’s year to suck, but I tried my best to turn that into a positive and continue to be hopeful.

But the worst part of 2016 was probably the struggles I went through with my relationship.

I love my fiance more than anything in the world, but relationships are fucking tough. Anyone who says they have a perfect relationship either isn’t in true love or is lying. No relationship is perfect. Mine certainly isn’t.

Jess was in the hospital four times this year with pancreatitis. I wrote a bit about the struggle we go through here. Like the job situation, I could spend plenty of time writing about people not understanding what she goes through and what we go through, but I couldn’t do it justice. People who know us know that we don’t have a “normal” relationship and, unfortunately, we never will.

Typically, she’s in the hospital once or twice for around three weeks. Those are some tough weeks, but we get through it. But four times, and three times in the final four months of the year. It wasn’t easy. More than anything, it was frustrating. Being in a “normal” relationship isn’t easy. Being in a relationship where one person has chronic pain forces you to change, mature, and get stronger real fast.

I questioned myself. She questioned herself. We questioned each other.

I’m thankful she’s in my life. I don’t want her to go anywhere. I’m always scared she’s going to leave, and those feelings really come out when I’m drinking. She knows how much I love her. And she hates that she has this disease and that she puts me through these things. But, that’s life. It sucks, and then you die. That’s a Vince McMahon quote and my attempt to bring levity to the situation for those wondering. It’s not my bleak outlook on life.

There were plenty of other things that I didn’t like about 2016. I didn’t get to see my best friend, his wife, and their new baby nearly enough. I feel like I lost some friends after I lost my job. I’m still guarded around my in-laws. I got depressed way more than I would have liked. I missed dinner with my friends in Cincinnati. And I’m sure I could name some other things, but why relive even more heartache?

All of that said. I’m still here. My teams continue to play their respective sports. I’m doing more than ever with my writing (and I still don’t think it’s nearly enough). And I’m still in love with a beautiful girl. Plus, we got a dog. And he’s alright.

2016 sucked. I know it didn’t just suck for me. If you hated 2016 as much as I did, join me in wishing it a happy Fuck Off. And let’s kick 2017 in the ass.

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